Be as One

My unexpected miracle healing (part three): healing inside and out

Published on May 7, 2014March 19, 2016 by susanwbailey2 Comments

Holy Family Parish from www.flickr.com — Holy Family Parish from http://www.flickr.com

When I walked out of Holy Family church that Sunday after having my throat blessed (see previous post), I had no idea what to expect. Over the past four years I had come to accept that my loss of voice was permanent.

That loss became a part of who I am.

Yet the blessing moved me, especially when Fr. Steve said my name. I cried while leaving the church, surprised yet again at the depth of my grief. I still missed my voice, but I did not miss the old life that was attached to that voice. I had moved on to a new life, beyond music into writing, a life of creativity that was new, exciting and fulfilling. Music, on the other hand, was old and stale and I thought, dead.

God had other ideas.

A few days after the blessing my son, also a musician (see previous post) texted me about the songs I had written when I was his age. I had a large catalog, all recorded on cassette tapes. He wanted me to digitize the collection and send it to him via the computer.

I am in my late fifties; these songs were written when I was in high school, college and young adulthood. They were often autobiographical in nature and full of the angst of youth. I cringed at the thought of even listening to them. But he urged me on saying, “Mom, it’s your legacy!” How could I resist?

Through this intermediary, the healing began.

I listened to the songs before digitizing them and found that they weren’t so bad after all. The exercise awoke old memories of why I had loved music in the first place. It reminded me of the wonder of listening to Joni Mitchell’s classic “Blue” and how her lyrics had pierced my soul. Mitchell was the icon of confessional singer/songwriters and I crafted my songs after her model.

I began to see a thread of connection between the lyrics I wrote forty years ago, the writing I used to do as a kid and the writing that I am doing now and realized that in fact, I had always been a writer at heart.

The pieces of the puzzle of my creative life started to come together.

It acted as a soothing balm. I began to put my arms around my creativity as if to say, “Welcome home.”

For years I had been pushing music away because it hurt too much to be near it. I had not only lost my voice but my soul as a musician. Thanks to that blessing, and my son, I found my way back to the self that had gone astray.

Entering Holy Family church two weeks later for mass, it struck me like a thunderbolt: I had been healed! I couldn’t wait to tell Father Steve. All during the mass my heart overflowed with gratitude. I understood for the first time the many layers of healing.

God heals the whole person, not just the symptoms. He heals us from the inside out.

When the paralytic man was lowered down from the ceiling by his four friends as told in Mark 2:1-12, Jesus first forgave his sins. He healed the inner man because He sensed this was the healing most needed. In ancient times, sin was thought to be the reason for physical troubles. Jesus relieved this man of that burden: the paralysis was not his fault. He then healed him physically.

He did that for me too.

I was free from the emotional paralysis that had locked away my love of music. All the grief, all the anger melted away. Even though my singing voice was not restored I felt whole again. I was back to being fifteen, playing the guitar and pouring my heart into my very first composition.

But the healing was not complete.

In the weeks that followed I began to notice that it became easier to sing the hymns during mass (see previous post). Although my throat still hurt when I sang, the notes were coming out stronger and clearer, like they used to.

Each week when I went to mass, I pushed myself a little more each time. It began to feel good to sing again. One week I took the long way home after mass so I could test my voice on some of the most challenging songs of my repertoire.

When I got home I belted out “Amazing Grace” just as I had recorded it and scared the cat with the volume! Buoyed, I pulled out my guitar and sang song after song. Yes, yes, I could sing again!

This the recording I had made a few years ago of “Amazing Grace:”

I could sing again. The healing was complete.

Now I knew how the sick felt when they were healed by the touch of the Master’s hand. Deep gratitude brimming over. An overwhelming desire to do a happy dance! The urge to rush out into the street and shout to the neighbors, “I’ve been healed!”

Another urge overtook me: the need to visit my church and kneel in front of the tabernacle to say thanks. I did that a few times, just pulling off the road for a moment to go into the church, kneel there and caress the tabernacle where the body of Christ resides in the form of bread and just saying over and over:

“Thank you. Thank you.”

There is still the acid reflux to deal with and I have to take care that I don’t strain my newfound voice as the stamina is not what it was. I won’t be singing in public except on rare occasions. Music is now a private affair with writing taking center stage.

But I can sing to God with a new voice. I can pray the way I love best.

How has God healed you? What is your healing story?

My unexpected miracle healing (part one)

My unexpected miracle healing (part two): openness to God’s way

Click to Tweet & Share: My unexpected miracle healing (part three): healing inside and out http://wp.me/p2D9hg-E8

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There is such a thing as happily ever after – The Critter Room: a microcosm of a perfect world

Published on May 4, 2014March 19, 2016 by susanwbaileyLeave a comment

In a previous post I shared about a special community of lovers, one that revolved around a foster dad, a homeless pregnant cat dubbed Janine and her three kittens, Egon, Ray and Peter (known as the Ghostbuster kittens). I wrote about how this community pulled together in the wake of the loss of sweet Peter at only four days old. I shared about the generosity and daring of a man who spends so much time caring for God’s creatures.

Yesterday was adoption day for the Ghostbusters.

It was a storybook ending, the one many of us had hoped and prayed for. It proved yet again there is such a thing as “happily ever after.”

Many joyful tears were shed when the following graphic appeared on the live kitten cam broadcast:

Peter had been included among the adopted and here’s why:

“Janine, Ray, & Egon are being adopted together and Peter’s adoption fee was donated by an anonymous viewer in California. Peter’s tag will be mailed to them. Janine’s adoption fee was donated by a viewer in Vancouver, BC.
Happy tears all around!” from a post by Foster Dad John on The Critter Room

It showed me there can indeed be a perfect world.

The Critter Room community is a microcosm of a perfect world. This does not mean that things don’t go wrong. The Critter Room cam is after all an unedited slice of real life and nature will take her course. But when things do go wrong, the love, thoughtfulness and generosity of the community rights those wrongs.

We can’t get back what we lost. But we can be healed, even transformed. We can move on, taking our fresh tears and loving memories with us, into a new reality of renewed hope. We can share that hope outside of The Critter Room; we can rock our world.

Little communities such as The Critter Room show that if we as a people can unite in love and caring for the least of these, our bigger world will be a better place. That caring comes one at a time: one kitten, one mama, one family, one community.

from https://www.facebook.com/TheCritterRoom

Caring begins with the one and multiplies like a stone thrown into a pond, creating a ripple effect. That ripple effect is evident in this community from the friendship shown in the chat room, to the beautiful fan art, to the generous donations made to shelters, to the adopters willing to take on multiple fosters and finally, to the numerous new foster moms and dads who have taken in their own families in honor of what is done in The Critter Room.

What one will you care for today? Warning: this could rock your world!

Now a trip down memory lane thanks to videos provided by BrookIvy2 on Youtube:

Ray Traps Himself

“Sometimes when you hold a kitten, it’s hard to put them down. Really, they won’t leave!”

Ghostbusters Wrap-up

Congratulations and many thanks to CatlessNoMore, the adopter (the “hoomin”) of the Ghostbusters!

Click to Tweet & Share: Such a thing as “happily ever after?” The Critter Room: a microcosm of a perfect world http://wp.me/p2D9hg-DV @TheCritterRoom

My unexpected miracle healing (part two): openness to God’s way

Published on April 30, 2014March 19, 2016 by susanwbailey1 Comment

Did you know that blessings multiply? If you are familiar with the story of the multiplication of the loaves and fishes then you know that when Jesus blessed the five loaves and two fishes, they multiplied enough to feed five thousand people.

Beginning with St. Blaise

from http://www.catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=28

This is how I would characterize my miracle healing. It began with a visit to church on the feast of St. Blaise where I received a blessing on my throat (see previous post for more on St, Blaise).

I entered the line out of habit. The wait was long because the priest chose to do the blessings himself. Fr. Stephen LaBaire, pastor of Holy Family Parish in Worcester takes his liturgical responsibilities seriously, loving every ritual with fidelity and reverence. Each throat blessed received his utmost attention.

Desire for healing?

As I waited, I wondered why I was there. Did I believe in healing? Did I even want a healing? You may ask why someone might not desire a healing but when you get accustomed to being a certain way, change is hard to imagine. I was used to my voice being gone. I had accepted it.

Still, I remained in line, deciding it couldn’t hurt. I left the door open for possibilities, for anything God wished to give me.

Unfolding of a blessing

After receiving the blessing, I left the church in tears. What could possibly come of this? A few days later, the blessing began to unfold.

It began with an emotional healing.

Loss not private

When I initially lost my voice, I thought I could mourn in private. I could resign from music ministry at my parish and that would be the end of it. I was wrong. My singing was not a private, individual affair. I had shared it with a community and my loss impacted people. There were the other musicians who had to pick up the slack when I resigned. And there were the people who had enjoyed my singing. I should have been grateful for the many kind inquiries and offers of concern but instead I found it to be an intrusion. I didn’t want to accept my loss and thus I pushed music away from me. The inquiries and offers of concern pushed it right back at me. I couldn’t get away from my pain.

Thomas and his loss

It made me think of Thomas. Poor doubting Thomas. He was the one disciple who was not there when Jesus appeared to the apostles after the resurrection. Filled with joy to overflowing, they told Thomas they had seen the Lord and he would not believe. Hidden in a locked room out of fear, Thomas hid from his pain as well. It hurt too much to face it; thus he pushed away any semblance of hope that Jesus had risen. Just as I had pushed away any connection, any reminder of my music: it hurt too much. Healing through the wounds Thomas demanded to touch Jesus’ wounds. It was the only way he would believe.

The Incredulity of Saint Thomas by Caravaggio

A beautiful homily given by a newly ordained priest celebrating his first mass described what Jesus did for Thomas in response to his demands:

“‘Put your finger here and see my hands. Bring your hand and put it into my side. Hide yourself in me. Hide yourself from all that troubles you, from all you doubt, from all you fear. Hide yourself in a love more penetrating than a brush fire, more overwhelming than a deluge. Hide yourself in a love that will remake you entirely. Do not be afraid.’ Jesus invites Thomas to literally enter into his wounds of love, to pass so deeply into the reality of love incarnate as to move within it. To physically put himself into our Lord’s resurrected body, unconquered by everything that would seek to destroy love, to put to death all that smothered God’s life within him. To touch resurrection, to touch eternity. To hide himself in Christ’s love forever. But not to hide Christ’s love from the world. Not to remain behind locked doors. Not to continue in sadness and fear. Jesus fills Thomas with a love so transforming that he can proclaim without fear, without doubt, ‘My Lord and My God.’” Rev. Patrick E. Reidy, C.S.C., Basilica of the Sacred Heart, University of Notre Dame, April 27, 2014

Transformation through healing

Jesus transformed Thomas; he changed him from a man filled with fear, sadness and bitterness to a man who proclaimed his love for Jesus boldly throughout the world. He healed Thomas and Thomas embraced him. He healed me in the same way. Once at war with myself over the loss of my voice, I learned again to love music, to re-embrace my gift and to learn to use it in a new way.

Openness to God’s way

In the next post I will tell you how Jesus healed me. Like the loaves and fishes, it was a blessing that multiplied over and over. Remember when Jesus told the disciples to lower the net for another catch even though they had worked hard all night and caught nothing? The net was filled to overflowing.

That’s what happens when you leave the door open, just a bit, and let God have his way.

I highly recommend listening to the entire homily given by Fr. Reidy. You can download the video from iTunes; about 27 minutes in, you can hear his homily.

Click to Tweet & Share: My unexpected miracle healing (part two): openness to God’s way http://wp.me/p2D9hg-DO

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